Have you ever heard that Christmas Cake joke: Japanese women are like Christmas cakes, if they surpass the 25th (Christmas day or their birthday), they’ll be difficult to dispose of…
This joke makes me think Japanese women are bred to be wives. Some of the festivals, like the Hina Matsuri (also called Girl’s Day) are celebrated so daughters will grow to be healthy and find good husbands. A few friends have told me that as parents they worry that their daughters won’t marry. One of my older lady friends announced her daughter’s engagement, and let out a big sigh of relief. She said her daughter will finally be married at 24. She is one of the fortunate ones, it seems.
Others who aren’t as lucky, like one of my close friends, was telling me she’s turning 33 soon and must find someone suitable or suffer going through an omiai (お見合い, a type of matchmaking meeting). Another, who is 28, told me she will marry at 34 (an age considered the last chance to get married by most Japanese people).
Whichever female type a Japanese girl is, she seems to want to be married by a certain age, either by her own choice or her parents’ or even by the society’s. Basically, there are four female types in Japan. According to this Time Magazine editorial comic, they are the Career Girls, the Little Princesses, the Desperate Housewives, and the Bad Girls. A common thread is the need to find husbands (maybe except for the Bad Girl…). While more and more women are starting to become more liberated and choose to be single, a lot of women still want to find a partner, settle down and build families. In a developed nation like Japan, it’s quite nice to see that women still prefer to keep to traditional roles (remember the words of a certain Japanese minister?).
The funny thing is that, when I first came to Japan, the notion of “Christmas cake” was running strong. In the last decade though, the concept has become so obscure (at least in Tokyo) that most of my husband’s and my student’s don’t instantly recognize it. Every student we’ve mentioned it to in the last 3 years believes it’s an utterly out-dated notion, though I do wonder if their parents might be nervous about them getting married ASAP as they (the parents) grew up with the idea of “Christmas cake”.
That being said, I think most women would still like to get married though now the age where they draw the line is between 30-35. Mainly, they feel this way because they want the option of having children.
Your blog is very interesting and I look forward to continuing to read it. Keep up the good work!
Thanks for the comment, Shari! And thank you for the encouragement!
I’m on a short holiday, but I will resume writing when I return 🙂
“In a developed nation like Japan, it’s quite nice to see that women still prefer to keep to traditional roles ”
Traditional roles?
Out of 100 or so students, about 60 are women and most of the married ones are not happy and almost all the single ones are happy.
I love the route women are going right now. Modern men welcome…traditional men , keep living with mommy!
Thank you for your comment, Chris B!
Although a lot are happier single, some still would like to be married. Like Shari mentioned, the marrying age seems like it has moved to 30-35 but many women still haven’t given up hope of finding a suitable partner and having kids.
I have asked some friends why they’d like to marry if they’re happy being single, but all they say is that they’d like to be married… strange but I guess it’s part of life here?
WOW!!!!
im a canadian “indian” and i got married at 19. this seems to be the way it is around here, most of my friends are married now and most r happy.
now that i think of it, a good percentage of people in my age range (20-24 yrs) are married, well in my part of the country.
Thanks for the comment, c beardy!
I think that it is nice that women in Japan can pursue traditional roles without being looked askance at or regarded as failures like they are in the U.S. In the States, being a housewife is seen as a wish to be lazy or as being too unambitious or stupid to get a decent job. I seriously believe that a stay-at-home partner or parent is essential to a well-raised child and seriously helps even in childless families.
Women (or men) who stay home improve the quality of life for the people they live with immensely. I know because my husband worked 4-6 months a year for 8 years while I worked full-time for 12 years and the months when he was a “househusband” made my life a lot easier during those years because he cooked, cleaned and shopped. For the last two years, he’s been working full-time and I’ve been working part-time and we’ve changed places and it makes his life while working easier. The two-income, two-career family mainly enriches life materially and tends to be detrimental in many other ways.
Personally, I believe the obesity epidemic in the U.S. is closely linked with the lack of stay-at-home parents as the first thing to suffer when you’re tired and worn out from work is food shopping and preparation and the next thing that follows is fatigue-based eating (sugar for sugar energy boosts).
I hope that Japan maintains a positive outlook on both housewives and working women and they don’t go the way of the west in belittling how women who choose to stay home are regarded. The next step is to view men favorably for making the same choice so there can be a flexibility in who fills that role.
Thank you, Shari!
That was exactly what I was thinking! It is so refreshing to see women who can work successfully yet choose instead to raise children (which I think is more difficult, anyway).
I have students who are excellent at English and they excel in everything from arts to history, but if asked they still reply they’d still like to be moms when they get older. They’d readily give everything up to focus on rearing their own kids.
I know how hard it is to balance a career and a family, and it can sure lead to one being neglected. It’s really sad when it is the family that is sacrificed. So that being said, I was just hinting that I admire Japanese women for being traditional in that respect, being selfless and accepting the inevitable role women take, that of wife and/or mother.
[…] Japan, if a women is over 25 and still single some would liken her to a Christmas Cake, which is really hard to get rid of after December 25th (or in this case a Japanese woman’s […]
Refreshing? Selfless? Accepting? What IS this, 1952 Cornville, Iowa? From which century do you hail?
The whole tone of this discussion is disturbing, as far as I’m concerned. I’m a single 45 year old woman conservationist, and my friends are strong, bright, driven, fascinating women in their 20’s and 30’s and 40’s. Not a one of them feels that she is sacrificing one damn thing, except sleep sometimes, in the quest to make her life worth something exceptional. Men are beautiful and men are glorious, but not every woman is holding her breath waiting for that great day of validation: her wedding day. Most of them are waiting to find out if their research, if their work, if their blood sweat and tears has helped the Earth be a better place. They think kids are great. Other people’s kids.
Good lord.
Thanks for your comment, Rangergirl!
The truth is that’s how things are here in Japan. While I do not agree or disagree with the ways people think here, I accept that it is how they are.
I know of many strong, independent and very bright foreign women in Japan, and more than a few of them are also feeling the pressure of finding a guy, just because they’re here. It’s very strange but there it is…
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I just came across this blog and I know I’m quite late to the discussion but still I had to make a comment.
First of all, I wholeheartedly agree with Rangergirl’s and Chris B.’s post.
I can’t believe how nonchalantly you accept the oppression Japanese women have to suffer from in their country, Marie!
What you deem as ‘traditional’ I would simply call misogynystic.
If you think of what a whole string of social restraints a marriage brings along for women – not only in Japan, of course.
I’ve heard that divorce is not accepted in Japanese society and is seen as a total failure. No wonder that married couples appear to be ‘happy’. What else can you do but play along and appear as if everything’s fine when you are forced by society to stay together but in reality detest each other.
Also, I just read an article on a Japanese hostess the other day and the woman who is 26 years old told the magazine that women over 25 who aren’t married yet are referred to as ‘lost dogs’. I can’t believe this incredible inhumane behavior towards women.
Btw, you can also have kids without having to get married but I don’t want to imagine what a Japanese woman is referred to as when she’s a single mom.
Hi All! I’m surprised that most people don’t see the very subtle
sarcasmin my post… 😉 I like healthy arguments and both sides of this topic are worth debating.[…] those of you not in the know, “Christmas Cake” is some sort of outdated Japanese concept that a woman reaches her 25th year, she is now […]
[…] Granted, this is coming from a woman who kicked off her tabloid career in her mid-teens. But still. On the other hand, there’s great joke waiting to be writtten about letting the shelter cat eat Christmas cake. […]
The main difference that I notice between the Japanese women and American women is that Japanese women seem to be more at peace with themselves and with the world around them, while American women can’t stop complaining and demanding more and more ‘rights’. With American women it seems to be a bottomless pit. They’ll never be happy, and they’re addicted to being ‘victims’. Also, Japanese career women are nothing new. They began pursuing careers long before it became fashionable for women in America to do so. Overall, Japanese women seem to have a secure and stable place in their culture, while American women seem to be in constant turmoil and are always struggling to redefine themselves.
Oh…you should all do yourselves a favor and just get over it. For all the BS in this blog the bottom line is that as a whole Japanese women are very happy live more fulfilled lives, and of course with all of that live longer than any women on the face of this earth. Western women do way to much bitchin and complaining. If your happy single…great stay that way and enjoy it! I have seen western career women suddenly realize they want a child even when earlier in their careers they said they would not. Anyway, who the hell cares. Get on with your own damn life and quit trying to change things for others when they are just fine living their life before you came along. Deal with yourself rather than imposing your will on others.
Albert hit the nail right on the head…beautiful job!
I find it telling that while people like Bernadette, Rangergirl and Chris B are admonishing the misogynystic vein of most traditions. Yet I’m a bit confused how in the same breath they’re trying to oppress everyone into what they feel is more appropriate liberated choice. Essentially force their views on others the way these traditions have forced itself for years. To me the bottom line should be that both traditional and modern life styles should be celebrated.
I’m 29 and when I do marry I’d like to be a stay at home. It’d be my choice and I’d be damn if anyone is telling me that I don’t know my rights, or that I’m just a woman who doesn’t realize she needs to be liberated. Please. Save the preaching for those who need it. The bottom line should be that if I do choose to be a stay at home mom or a career mom celebrate the fact that I had the ability to choose in the first place.
(Albert the turmoil stems more from the fact that we’re not a homogenous culture by a long shot. Not only do we have many different cultures but within each culture there are subculture that can be effected by immigration i.e. first generation families versus those that have been living in America for generations… All this creates conflict.
It’s not simply rights but the fact that for many women of different cultures they have to find their place as a person of that given culture and more so if it is more prominent in their family, a person living in the American culture, a member of their family etc.
Bottom line is that it should be up to the family–woman and partner etc to choose how they will balance out their family and all the various cultures they ascribe themselves to.
Your post unfortunately was too nationalistic and too west versus east which is faulty in some parts because it’s comparing what is generally a homogenous culture and people to another country that is comprised of a melting pot of people, and cultures.)
[…] in this show. Love is a competition and a ruthless one at that. There’s an old Japanese joke comparing Japanese women to Christmas Cake. Saying that once a woman hits 25, she’ll be difficult to dispose of. Because of this women […]
[…] Another Christmas food associated with Japan is the Christmas cake. These cakes made with whipped cream, chocolate and strawberries on top are ordered months in advanced and are eaten on Christmas Eve. Any cake that is not sold after the 25th is unwanted. For the same reason, single Japanese women over the age of 25 used to be called Christmas cakes. […]
[…] 25th is unwanted. For the same reason, single Japanese women over the age of 25 used to be called Christmas Cakes […]
[…] 25th is unwanted. For the same reason, single Japanese women over the age of 25 used to be called Christmas Cakes […]
[…] 25th is unwanted. For the same reason, single Japanese women over the age of 25 used to be called Christmas Cakes […]